Intimacy and Disability: Navigating the Challenges

In the media and society, disabled people are often represented inaccurately and in a limited way.

Disabled advocates have been working to shift the narrative towards a more accurate and diverse portrayal of disabled people in recent years.

A diverse and accurate representation of disabled people in the media and society is important for several reasons. They help dispel harmful stereotypes and misconceptions associated with disabilities.

Disabled people have often been portrayed as tragic, helpless, or needing sympathy in the media. Not only is this portrayal inaccurate, but it can also lead to harmful attitudes and discrimination against disabled people.

In all its diversity, sexuality is a natural part of human life. When it comes to expressing their sexuality, people with disabilities often face barriers.

There are a variety of reasons for this, including physical limitations, social stigma, and lack of education. A fulfilling and satisfying sexual life is possible for people with disabilities with the right support and resources.

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Tackling new dating adventures

Jessica Corype was diagnosed with an amputated leg at the age of 35, after the doctors found an infection in her limb. An amputation is the surgical removal of part of the body, such as an arm or leg. (Amputation - NHS (www.nhs.uk)

Corype, has been an amputee for three years. It was hard for her to come to terms that she had a disability after many years of not having one.

For someone who never had to live with limb loss. It was difficult to accept how different she now looked.

“Instead of focusing on what I’ve lost. I chose to focus on the positive things in life.”

Jessica has always wanted to find true love and never allowed anything to get in her way especially after her amputated leg.

She joined a dating app, Dating Amputees | Find Single Amputees, to find love. This app is specifically for people with amputee, where they and can other singles.

Since joining the app, Jessica has learnt to accept rejections as they come and to talk openly about her condition with others on her dates.

She says that opening yourself up and allowing yourself to be vulnerable in front of others is not easy and takes some serious guts.

“In today's world, everything is consumable. Opening up can be hard. But finding true love is worth it.”

She says that after going on several dates and facing rejections. That amputee has taught her that she is more that her disability and doesn’t have to fear being judged.

Tackling this new adventure has been an interesting one for Jessica.

Through going on several dates and exploring the dating world, she as come up with four tips to encourage others in the same position:

1. In spite of the difficulties, it is possible to restore confidence. Make yourself a person people want to spend time with by being a positive person. An inspiration to others. An individual with values and views on life that others aspire to.

2. Rejection is part of life so, take it with a pint of salt. Recognise that it’s never about you. Sometimes people don’t always click and it can be for a number of reasons. Nonetheless, if someone rejects you because of your disability, they are not worth your time.

3. Talk openly about your condition. The more you talk comfortably about your amputee the more relaxed others will feel also. Focus on the positive side of things and tell others how you’ve regained your confidence.

4. Confidence is key. Having confidence in yourself will make you more attractive. Talk about the things that make you who you are. such as careers, hobbies, values and so on.

“The advice I would give to anyone that has a disability and is insecure about using dating apps is, be confident in yourself. Don’t let fear stop you.”

Black disabled representation in the UK

Nana Marfo is a black disability advocate, or best known as Mr Unique Voice, who has used his condition and struggles to inspire those most vulnerable in society.

Born six months premature, Marfo lungs suffered in the process, which resulted in him having to use a tracheostomy from an early age.

A tracheostomy may be carried out to: deliver oxygen to the lungs if you're unable to breathe normally after an injury or accident, or because your muscles are very weak. Tracheostomy - NHS (www.nhs.uk)

He argues that people of colour that have disabilities such as himself, have been neglected by society.

That in TV shows and in the media, black people with disabilities are not equally represented or talked about, like white people.

"There weren't many black and disabled people around"

Disability representation among black people in the UK has historically been limited, with black people often facing discrimination on the basis of their race as well as their disability.

A number of efforts have, however, been made in the past few years to increase black disabled people's representation and create more inclusive spaces.

This has been achieved with society becoming more inclusive and with the rise of social media.

Marfo never allowed his disability to hold him back and because of this he goes to events, writes about this issue and appears in videos sharing his experiences and advocating for others in the same position as him.

‘Desire is not stifled by disability’

'Disability' and 'sex' are rarely used together.

The perception persists that people with disabilities don't enjoy sex or can't have fulfilling sexual lives.

Our lives are changed by stories we hear. For Martin Warrillow, the life-changing moment for him was having a stroke.

In the UK, stroke is the leading cause of death and disability, striking one in six people without warning. (Stroke statistics | Stroke Association)

He set up his own publishing company working on various publications including editing The British Naturalism magazine before suffering a stroke in 2013.

For Warrillow, surviving a stroke at the age of 49, killed his professional career as a journalist. After being in that sector for the last 30 years, forcing him to relearn how to read and write. Ask The Warrior

“ I'm alive, I still feel natural human emotions, such as a desire to have an enjoyable sexual life.”

For Warrillow and his wife, Carmel, sex changed after his stroke. Things were different and they were no longer able to enjoy it like they used to.

He says because of his condition, they’ve had to make changes to their sex life and the couple enjoy oral more than ever. They’ve adapted to using toys and oils to spice up their sex life, in a way that they both enjoy it.

“Desire is not stifled by disability”

There is no difference between people with disabilities and anyone else when it comes to sexuality. It is the same desire, fantasies, and pleasure capacities that they share.

“I learned the importance of having fun with sex after I survived a stroke. You shouldn't stress about stuff.”